


Lost and Alone

by Maroo (DesertPengwings)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Spoilers, Avengers: Age of Ultron Trailer, Broken Families, Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Marvel Universe, Quicksilver Madness, SHEILD, daddy hawk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-10
Updated: 2015-06-13
Packaged: 2018-03-29 21:02:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3910570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertPengwings/pseuds/Maroo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events that occurred in Sokovia, Wanda is left to grieve her loses. She has to learn to cope with these feelings as she works as an Avenger in SHIELD, not because she wants to but because it is her job.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mourning

**Author's Note:**

> First ever story on here! Sorry for all the grammatical errors that are probably there, it is like midnight when I finished this. Hope everyone likes it, more to come!  
> This follows the events of Age Of Ultron and fills in the gap between the end and officially leaving Sokovia, so spoilers!

_I won't leave you_

_No, get the people on the boat, come for me after not before...._

         I shouldn't have let him go, not by himself. If I didn't look out for him who would, thought Wanda letting out a shaky sigh as she quickly made her way to the medical wing. She had been silent the since she entered the helicarrier, lost in thought. All she could think is why did I have to tell my brother to go, we should have been together. Since realizing Ultron's true motive, all she has been feeling is regret. Regret for letting this happen, regret for letting revenge blind her, regret for being apart of this in general, regret for what happened to Sokovia, and regret for not being by her brothers side. She felt like she failed her parents and their memory. But worst of all, she felt like she failed Pietro, her dear brother. They had been through everything together. They dealt with being orphans on the street together and through those horrible experimentations done by Hydra. No matter what, they were together.

         “Let me see my brother,” she demanded to the doctors who were trying to prevent her from entering. His death was a shock to her then. She could feel his pain during his final breath. She felt the bullets that ripped through his body seemed to have ripped through her own. She could still feel them, burning inside her. It was as if she died herself and she really wish she did. Even so she refused to believe he had passed. The pain burned in her heart, eating away at her. She was shaking a bit now, she needed to see for herself and know the truth. He couldn't be dead, he would never leave her not now, not ever, she thought desperately. “Let. Me. See. Him.” she said struggling to hold herself together as they continued to refuse her passage into the room. Her eyes burned a vibrant violent violet again as she spoke those words. She felt like she would break again, destroying everything around her. The doctors took a step back, their whole body shook slightly unsure and in fear of what she would do next.

         “Hey, hey, hey,” said a voice behind her, grabbing her arm somewhat forcefully, “ wait up.” It was Clint Barton, to the team he is Hawkeye. He looked tired from the events that happened below and bore fresh new bandages on his arms. “ What do you want,” she replied in a voice more shaky than she intended. She was in no mood to talk to anyone, especially not an Avenger. And especially not from the man who was saved by her brother. It was the first time in a long time Pietro did anything selflessly for anyone other than her so made it hard for her to be in Clint's presence. Was this truly worth it, she thought as she looked at him with a lump in her throat.“ Just wanted to see how you were holding up kiddo now calm down,” he replied. Then after it appeared she had calmed down a bit he said, “ Want me to go in there with you?” She remained silent, she didn't want to go in with anyone. After a while, she finally whispered a quiet no and pushed past the two doctors. “Hey-” started one of the doctors. “Just, leave her be.” said Hawkeye as he watched her enter the room.

 **  
**            When she entered the white, glass room, she was overwhelmed with the sound of silence. These days it seemed silence will become her new partner in life. Slowly, she walked to the table that held the hollow shell of her brother. “ I'm sorry,” she whispered, “ I'm so sorry.” He is dead, he is really dead. There was no more room for doubt, no more room to question his actions. Her eyes swelled with tears again, as she placed her hand on his chest. She half expected him to wake back up and tell her how silly she was for worrying. “ Too bad we can't go back to Sokovia,” she said, “ we should have stayed together.” That is all she seemed to be able to say since she got onto this helicarrier, it was the only comprehensible thing for her. She didn't know what else to say, she felt so lost and alone. She wasn't used to seeing him still, he was always moving or fidgeting or making his witty comments. Finally seeing Pietro so lifeless, she knew there is no way he could ever come back, and she cant take it. She wept for him, for her home, for all the pain that was caused.


	2. Thinking Ahead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to continue with this for a while. Hope you guys like it!

           “Hey,” said a voice behind her gently, “ It's okay.” She jumped in surprise, she forgot their were other people around. Quickly she wiped away her tears and spun around to see Hawkeye was right behind her. “ I'm fine!” she said unconvincingly. I just want to be alone with my brother she thought. “Why don't we go and get something for you to eat.” he replied carefully, “ when was the last time you had a meal or something?” He was right, she was hungry, but she didn't want to leave Pietro again. “ He will be fine,” he said suddenly as if reading her mind as he gently lead her away from the room, “ he will be here when you get back.” “ Fine,” Wanda said reluctantly, too exhausted to argue and following him out into the hallway.

           The rest of the Avengers were elsewhere, many were helping the other citizens of Sokovia or where in the main room with a man they called Fury. In the hallway and the rooms she passed they buzzed with activity. “ Shouldn't you be helping out too?” she asked. “ Well right now I'm helping you,” he said giving her a small smile as he lead her to a small eating room. She frowned, she didn't mean to be a burden to any of them. “ Now , lets see what we have to eat here.” Hawkeye to himself as they entered through the sliding doors, “ Well, I guess this will do.” “Here, SHEILD has never been the best when it comes to decent food,” he said handing her a sandwich and placing a drink on the table. “ Um, thank you.” she said hesitantly, slowly grabbing the sandwich and looking around at the room. It wasn't terrible small but there were two tables with red chairs that seem to take up much of the space. On the far back left their was a counter, sink, cabinets, and some type of coffee machine. Next to the counter was a rather large fridge where he got the drink. The walls were a plain light blue and the floor reflected the bright lights above reminding her of the room Pietro now slept in. “Listen, I know it's hard, what your going through,” he started as he gently placed a hand on her shoulder, “I have lost plenty of good friends on the front lines, but you can't live in grief forever. I am sorry for what happened.” After some time of silence he left her alone with her thoughts.

            A while after he had left, she attempted to eat the sandwich he gave her. It was a turkey sandwich with some mayo and mustard on a sourdough role. Upon taking the first bite she realized it was dry and, like he said, not the best but good enough. This place, these people, were full of surprises she thought as she chewed slowly on her dry sandwich.. Hydra and Strucker only ever saw them as precise experiments or as valuable weapons in the war to come. This new SHEILD and the Avengers, although hesitant at first, they let her in. She tried so hard to tear them apart, to break them, to destroy them with their fear yet they let her join, even if it was to make sure she didn't get herself into more trouble. The worst was that while she tried to make it seem like their fear was their reality, but hers was the only one that became reality. Then there was Clint. Clint was the first person in a long time to see her and her brother as more than a monster or a weapon. He saw them as something completely different. He saw them as actual people, kids, as annoying as that was for them, but it was also refreshing. He reminded her of the distant memory of her father. It reminded her of what once was and what can no longer be. Remembering this, tears came back to her eyes and she struggled to calm herself down.

**  
**“Hello again,” said a voice gently, behind her, “ how have you been feeling?” Startled, again, she spun around, slamming her free hand on the table, to see the Vision with a concerned face standing behind her. He was the one who had taken her, saved her rather, from an unfortunate fate in Sokovia. She will always be grateful that he saved her life but she still didn't totally trust him. She didn't think he required food to live so she was both irritated and surprised by his presence. “Why is everyone trying to startle me today!”she snapped turning her back to him concentrating on her sandwich. Taken aback, he replied innocently “ I apologize, Hawkeye said you were here so I thought I would see how you are” Silence stretched between them, she appreciated their concern to a certain degree but at the same time she didn't want it. She wanted to be left alone to her own grief. As she was taking another bit, the Vision sat down across from her and tilted his head slightly with his usual knowing stare. It almost looked like he was studying her face. “ Is there a reason why you are here?” she finally said. It was unsettling to her to think that he was, in a way part of Ultron. The doctor had mapped out Ultron's cerebral matrix and put it into the android's body which was later reconfigured to fit Tony Stark's AI Jarvis for body. But all she remembers is the destruction. When she looked in his head she didn't see the same destruction as before but of something more peaceful. She didn't want anything to do with him if she could help it, even though after what happened, even after he proved her wrong. “You never answered my question,” he replied in a matter of fact but patient tone. “Fine,” she replied still unconvinced by her own answer, “ I am fine.” The Vision looked at her, then at the table, then got up decisively, realizing that she would share no more. After some thought he said slowly, “ You know it is alright if you aren't fine. It is normal in times of grief to feel lost, and alone. But you don't always have too, you are among friends here.” Wanda fell still and silent at his words, unsure what to make of them. She knew he is right but she isn't ready to admit it, not yet. “No one may understand you, not yet,” he said softly pausing a moment, “so let them.” After one last glance, he left the room.


	3. Working on Living

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit short. Haven't had much time to write this week.

             The next day, Wanda still couldn't believe what had happened to her; from the events that lead to Ultron being in Sokovia, to her brother's death, to now being apart of SHEILD. It was like she was in a dream, or rather, a nightmare. She visited her brother whenever she could but the on several occasions the people there did not allow her through. She hated that the most. If it was up to her she would just be with her brother but Clint convinced her otherwise. Like he said before, he did it because it was his job and she already decided on her floating home that it would be hers too.

              Throughout the day, she helped the people who had just lost their homes, remembering and reliving the pain of that realization. Her orders were to pass out food or other supplies, and to help organize the chaos to the best of her abilities. It was a couple days since the events that took place in her former homeland and this place still buzzed with the activity of unattended people. She worked almost mechanically, like a hallow robot, because it was her job and she didn't know what else to do. She sighed in frustration at the person in front of her unwilling to comply. She didn't like this place, with all these people, alone. She wished she could go home, wherever that might be now. How do they make it look so easy, she thought, especially when there are these type of people.

               It was only noon when she decided to take her first break. She had been working since about 8 this morning and barely had anything to eat for breakfast mainly because she wasn't hungry. She walked swiftly to get food but felt like her body was heavy from all her pain and exhaustion. Upon entering the little eating area, she saw Thor and Vision conversing about something . She didn't pay much attention, she was too tired and broken to care and walked by them to grab something to eat. Both looked at he while they were talking. Thor looking both concerned and uneasy by her presence. Vision appeared to have empathy and wanted to says something but reconsidered. She rummaged through the fridge for a drink unsure what exactly she is looking for and settled on an energy drink of some kind. Then she grabbed a bag of chips on the counter and plopped down on the chair in far corner of the room. She focused her attention on her bag of chips and she listened to whatever ridiculous conversation the other two were having.

**  
** “Well, as I have been saying, the others are unable to wield my mighty hammer other than you.” said Thor. “What about Captain America?” replied Vision after a second of thought “ Surely he made the hammer budge. Out of all of the Avengers it appears like he would be able to.” “Oh um him,” he said as he cleared his throat, “Not even he is worthy enough!” Wanda snorted quietly at Thor's false bravado. “ Are you sure?” replied Vision unconvinced and fascinated at the same time “ not even a little budge?” “Oh, of course not!” he replied confidently. Vision looked thoughtfully at nothing in particular and nodded slowly. “Well it was nice to have a little chat with you Vision on this break,” said Thor as he started to leave the room, “ I should be off now, farewell.” As he passed Wanda he nodded to her, finally acknowledging her presence. She nodded back and continued to slowly finish her bag of chips. She looked back at Vision who had stayed behind looking at nothing in particular with his normal knowing and thoughtful look. Ignoring the Android, she finished off her food and stood up slowly to throw away her things. As she slowly walked toward the garbage Vision finally spoke up, “ So how have you been doing? It has been a few days since our last conversation.” “I'm fine,” she snapped startled by his sudden fascination with her well being. “If you feel like you need anything in a form of counseling I could be of use as such or just someone direct your grief and anger,” he said calculatingly. She didn't need help from him. Although she knows he means well, he wouldn't be much help, unless he could bring her brother back.\\. She wishes she wasn't here, that people would stop bothering her. She wishes she could go home. Finally she said again, “ I'm fine!” but more forcefully as she threw her garbage into the trash. “Yes but it would be best if...” Vision started. “I. Am. Fine.” she said feeling her control over herself slowly slipping, “ I don't need anyone's help!” Unless you can bring Pietro back she thought again to herself again, fighting the urge to cry and destroy the world around her again. “ I'm sorry,” Vision said quietly as he approached her cautiously, “ I didn't mean to upset you again.” He meant to put his hand on her shoulder in a reassuring way, but she flinched away from his hands. He looked sad either because of her reaction or he really was sorry for upsetting her. The expression surprised her, she didn't know why, but it did. As he was about to say something , the door slid open and more voices flooded into the room.


	4. Mirroring Confusion

           Upon hearing the door open, he backed away and swiftly left the room. “In a hurry pal?” asked Clint as he and Natasha entered the room. “So are you going to go back to the farm,” said Natasha unfazed by what has happened, “ and adding more to your building projects?” “No, no," he began as he opened the fridge and getting two drinks for them, “ well, we'll see when I get back. I'm still thinking about giving Laura her own little room.” “Right, right,” she replied, “ you were talking about it in the car.” “ Oh ya,” he replied, “ we'll see.” “Well, I'll see you around,” she said grabbing her drink, “ oh and I'll be needing your help later with the search.” As she walked through the door, she glanced at Wanda, nodded and smiled slightly and said quite casually,“ Hey Wanda.” She jumped, startled, she forgot where she was again. She looked at the closing door then at Clint who had been watching her as she stood in the corner next to the garbage. “Do you plan on standing there all day?” he asked as he took a sip of his drink. “Oh um',” she said unsure what to say still feeling the lingering notions of instability. “Does whatever this is,” gesturing to her, “ have to do with the Vision? Is he harnessing you or something?” “Yes, um no,” she replied shaking her head gaining a bit more controls of herself, “ he was asking how I am doing after, um, what had happened. I just told him I didn't want to talk about it and he just kept asking.” “ Oh, huh,” he said looking at her. The look on his face made him appear worried and thoughtful. His face made him look like her father which made her feel safe yet saddened. Are you going to bother me too? She thought. She liked the concern to a certain degree but the feeling it elicited was foreign and it scared her. “ You probably heard,” he said cautiously, “that I'll be going the safe house. It's a pretty place remote, there is a lot less people there.” “What are you trying to say,” she said confused by what he is saying. “ Well, would you like to come over for a few days,” he said, “get away from all this noise?” Where was this sudden compassion coming from, she thought unsure what to think. “Well tell me by tonight if you can,” he said as he walked to the garbage that was next to her and throwing the res of his drink away. “ Take care of yourself,” he said gently patting her shoulder leaving her alone once again.

           She slowly walked back to the table and sat down again. She really should go back and work but she wanted time alone to think, and process some things. All her encounters with the android left her uneasy and for some reason more alone. She may have trusted him in some way but she didn't know why. They did share one thing, the feeling of being alone because of their differences. No one understood his abilities or existence and they felt the same way, or something quite similar, about her. Maybe I should see him, talk to him about,about, she thought, something. She hated this loneliness, she hated this silence. Long ago, during their time as experiments, she welcomed the silence. She welcomed the fact that for a short while, she didn't have to worry about pain and what would they do to her. And past the wall that separated her from the other room, there was her brother. She couldn't her him or see him but she always knew he was their. She felt his life, his energy. It comforted her when she was afraid to just sit with her back against the wall and think he was doing the same. And that he too longed to see her. The silenced was like a vigil, reminding her of the promise she made with her brother to her parents. With the recent events that had just occurred, she didn't know what to do anymore. What she thought was the right thing to do ended up with her home destroyed and her brother dead. If it wasn't for the Avengers, the world would be gone and she could blame no one but herself for letting that happen. Remembering her conversation with Clint, she knew that avenging is now her job now but it didn't feel right. She still felt aimless. She sighed, frustrated by everything, and left the table to go see her brother. “The people will just have to wait,” she murmured.

         She walked down the corridor that led to the medical wing. It was bustling with people in need of attention. From people with missing appendages to just crapes and bruises, almost all the wounded were here. Not one space of the room was left unfilled which made the room stink of blood and sweat. Being in this room made her feel more and more uncomfortable and anxious. As she made her way through the room to where Pietro is, she could feel their suffering, their pain. Going anywhere near this place, let alone in it, filled her with all forms of anxiety. I could have stopped it, she thought, I could have prevent this . I could have prevented what happened to him. It was my choice, said a disembodied voice, we can't go back now. She looked around knowing it was his voice inside her head but for a second she swore he stood next to her. When she looked all she saw was the faces of the sick and injured as they stared at her. Some of their faces were in a constant state of shock, others were lifeless, and worst yet, there were those that looked like a walking dead man. These people had sunken eyes and a gaping mouth while their skin seemed to just hang on their bones. They weren't quite skeletons but it was terrifying enough. These faces now stared at her, seeming to silently judge and criticizing her. She had been used to these looks but here, out of her element, they seemed more criticizing than before. She walked faster now, pushing her way through everyone. She shook her head and walked further into the room, to the white silent room where Pietro rest for now.

          The room greeted her with its usual silence that seemed to mock her very existence. The floor glowing because of the overhead lights. Pietro still lay on the table, lifeless and pale. With a lump in her throat she took a deep, shaky breath, and proceeded forward. “Hello Pietro,” she said softly placing her hand on his. She felt like the more she saw him the less her excuses seemed believable even to herself. Wanda sniffed, holding back the inevitable flood of tears as she moved some of his hair away from his face. She shut her eyes tight and opened them slowly, holding onto that small shred of hope, or her denial, expecting him to get back up. Just like yesterday, the day before that, and the days previously, her hope was in vain. She felt her heart tighten and her control slipping slightly. No not here, she thought, remember where you are. She took a deep, shaky breath again, straitened her back and looked around. Past the glass window that separated her and the rest of the wing. She saw the pain, grief, and fear that they could never escape, that she could never escape. Standing there, was like looking through a mirror.“It's my job,” she said to no one in particular turning her attention back to her brother. What made you act, she thought to herself, we only just met him. She knew though, deep down, he felt and thought the same thing. Clint in one way or another mirrored their late father's. Thinking of Clint, she remembered how he convinced the doctor's the other day that Pietro needed to stay here. The doctor had wanted to clear out this room to use it as another place for the wounded. They needed all the room that they could get and the dead body seemed to be taking more room than necessary. But somehow, Clint convinced the doctors that Pietro would only be held here a short while longer, just while they organized some things. "Just another day or two, he had said, "no longer than that, then you can have this room" He barely knows us too, she thought, yet he decided that she and her brother is worth helping. Maybe I will take that offer. Even as she thought this, she is reluctant to leave her brother here. What if they move him? What if they do something to his body? Also, if I were to go, she thought, where would he be? She sighed again remembering her duties. “Sorry dear brother, but I must work,” she said to the empty shell, “ It's my job.”

          That evening, she ended her menial tasks early. She was absolutely exhausted. Working with these refuges is more mentally taxing than she desired. In her exhausted state she forgot where she was going and had wandered to a place she had never been before. She looked around somewhat frantically for a familiar landmark. “Now where are you headed too?” said a familiar voice causing her to jump. I used to be more aware of my surroundings, she thought. “ I, uh, got lost,” she said facing Clint slowly, “ I'm just, just tired that's all.” He looked concerned and just nodded. “I'll walk you to your room,” he said. “ Oh um thanks,” she said slowly as she followed him. They walked in silence for some time. Finally he broke the silence as they approached the wing that held the sleeping quarters. “So should I come get you tomorrow morning?” he asked looking at her. “ Well,” she started pausing a moment before continuing, “ no, I can't leave Pietro again.” When she said this Clint stopped suddenly looking at her in an expression she couldn't read. “I know it's hard,” he began, “but he's gone, no matter how much you want him to be were here, he can't come back. He wouldn't want you to hold onto the past like this. He would want to see you happy, wouldn't he?” She looked down at the floor. He is right, of course, but she didn't want to leave him. “I'll make sure that he will be there when you get back.” he said after a short while placing his hand on her shoulders leading her to her room. “Hey,” he said as they stood before her door, “ it eventually will get better, it takes time. Even though it may not seem like it now, it will.” Wanda just nodded at his words and entered her room and looked back at him as the door slid silently shut.

 


	5. Where Too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for another short chapter, just finished school so the length of the chapters should improve. Also, its a bit late when I wrote this so I apologize if I didn't catch all of my grammatical errors.

****

      The next morning she woke at her usual early hour. When she got up, she was sweating a little from a nightmare she just couldn't remember. If Pietro was here, she wouldn't be so afraid. Looking around, she didn't remember actually getting to bed. But she remembers doing her nightly ritual, looking out the window towards where the moon gently caressed the water below, then nothing. There was just nothingness and silence. “I must have been more tired than I thought,” she said quickly as she sat up using the end of her sleeves to wipe her eyes. With the weight of the work from yesterday and today, she got up slowly to get ready. When she finished getting dressed in the warm glow of the rising sun, it was around 6:45. She was accustomed to waking up early to watch the sunrise with her family. Even though she is alone, she will forever continue this tradition. She let out a deep breath and sat cross legged on her bed which was near the window. She saw the water crest gently as she pressed her face against the wall near the window. Memories of better days filled her head bring that familiar feeling of regret back.

      Lost in thought, she didn't hear the initial knock on the door. The second knock was more urgent which gained her attention. Who could that be at this hour? She thought worried. Cautiously she approached the door and listened. The person outside knocked again and she heard a faint voice calling her name. Confused she opened the door. “ Morning,” said Clint in a low voice, “ you're dressed already, are you tagging along for the trip?” Right, she had forgotten his offer. At the moment, she would like to get away from this place but leaving Pietro made her hesitant. Reading her mind Clint said, “I've already talked to Fury and the other guys, he will be in good hands. Now get your things we leave in less than 20 minutes.” “Okay,” she started as she turned to go get her stuff, wait how long will we be gone?” “Well, you'll probably be gone for about a week or so,” he replied. “ I'll wait for you at the lunch room so we can grab some food or something before we go.” After he was gone, she sat back on her bed wondering why she accepted his offer. She supposed it is because she is still too tired to protest or she just wanted to get away from all this pain that seemed to linger nearly everywhere.

      Several minutes late she brought her somewhat overstuffed bag into the hallway and proceeded to the lunch area. It was nearly seven in the morning and the helicarrier is already coming to life. She gained a few odd glances as she made her way to where she needed to be but she didn't really notice them. If I don't hurry I'll be late, she thought worriedly. When she finally got to the room, Clint was leaning against the counter waiting for her. “Took you long enough,” he said, “let's go.” As he approached her, he startled her by putting his arm around her shoulders and leading her out of the room He didn't ask any questions or harp on her for being late but instead just lead her to the quin jet that will take them to wherever he meant for them to go.

 

      After they had taken off from the helicarrier, she took one last look at the flying fortress and her destroyed home in the background. In Sokovia's place, there was a large crater, devoid of life. The surrounding forest still stretched their arms toward the sky as if they were unfazed by the disaster. They continued to swayed carefree in the morning breeze and gleamed an emerald green in the rising sun that had just climbed past the mountain range. The mountains too remained the same. There they stood tall, proud, and hardened by Sokovia's long winters. The peaks of said mountains sparkled in the light. Wanda remembered the days, when her family looked in wonderment at the sky, mountains, and forest bewildered by all the beauty surrounding them, but that notion didn't last long. It was both a beautiful and painful sight for her.

     It had been nearly an hour since they left their original area and all Wanda could see is an endless stretch of land that seemed to go on forever. What if I am not taken to a safe house, she thought, this could just be a trick. This was the first time this thought occurred to her. She is deemed dangerous by SHEILD so she isn't entirely surprise that they might want someone to put her down. She was disappointed in herself that she didn't think of this possibility much sooner. She had been so preoccupied by his death and just doing a job that her awareness in her surroundings have not been up to par. I could just look in his head, she thought, or maybe I'll just ask him. She sighed and leaned back in her chain. “What was that?” she heard Clint say turning around a little. I must have sighed louder than I thought, thinking to herself. “Nothing,” she replied looking away. At that she heard some clicking on the control panel and him leaving the seat. He walked over with his usual concerned and unsure look and asked, “You okay? Need anything?” “Well,” she started, “ where exactly are we going?” “I told you before we left,” he replied, “we're going to the safehouse.” “The safehouse?” she asked suddenly aware of something.” “Ya, the safe house,” he repeated, “If you're tired you should sleep, we still have a few hours to go.” He looked at her one last time and made his way back to the pilot's seat.

          She grew restless just waiting. She hated not knowing where they were going even more. What seemed to make matters worst, she felt exhausted but her anxiousness made it impossible for her to fall asleep. When she looked out the window now, she saw the blanket of water that covered the earth. The fabric rippling with the slightest breath of the earth. Like the land she saw, it seemed endless. The water stretched, touching everything yet nothing at all. This endlessness and nothingness added to her anxiety. I'll just look inside his head, she thought, just for a second. She had been contemplating this for the longest time. She didn't want to insult him by making him think she didn't trust him but that is the problem, she didn't entirely trust him. Just a peak, she thought as he entered his mind.

         What she saw next surprised her. She saw a family, a wife and two children. She never thought an agent could have a family, certainly not children. The woman was fair with dark brown hair and innocent eyes creased with years of worry. The children had innocent faces not tainted by the world yet. The boy is older with darker hair making him appear more like his mother. The girl had a lighter brown hair like her fathers but had the same innocent eyes as her mother. It was such a lovely scene, something fairy tail esc. In her surprise, she wasn't fully aware at what she was doing in his head. Clint himself was fine, unfazed and unaffected by what she was doing, but she saw one of his greatest fears. She saw the family die in the worst ways possible. All their pain was indescribable. She saw them yell out for him to save them and him never making it. Immediately, she exited his mind and threw her hands to mouth to keep from screaming and crying. She looked at him, eyes wide, hoping he hadn't noticed. What she saw mirrored what she felt, what had happened to her brother. The regret on his face, the pain that it would bring was the same. She stared at him for the longest time and was relieved that she didn't do anything he would noticed and kept to herself. So we are going to his home then? She thought still shaken. Now he is more than an agent of SHEILD to her but rather the father he is outside of the agency.

 


	6. Vivid Dreams

        Finally the veil of exhaustion brought sleep upon her. It brought her back to her dreamscape. It was of a more pleasant time with her brother there. They were in Sokovia, walking down the familiar street to get something from the grocery store or the market. She forgot what happiness felt like, for in those few seconds or minutes life felt right again. All of a sudden the ground started to shake and the buildings swayed like trees in the wind. The ground cracked opening, ready to consume anyone too slow to avoid its gaping mouth. From the skies, missiles that killed her parents started to rain from the sky. The missiles mirrored shooting stars with a bright burning trail. She could hear the screams of terror again calling out to anyone. She saw the bodies piling up or falling through the cracks in the earth. Those who fell tried to grab at her feet wanting to take them with her or trying desperately to escape their impending doom. She struggled to keep them away using anything from a nearby chair to her own feet. She could have used her abilities but she feared the destruction would only become worse. “Wanda, Wanda!” said an unrecognizable voice. In a flash, a missile blew up the earth beneath Pietro's feet, causing him to sink within the trembling earth. He tried to grab the ledge but only held onto air. No no no no, she thought panicking as the crumbling earth rapidly approaches her. “Pietro!” she yelled in vain.

        She woke up with a start, shaken by that dream, to the worried face of Clint. “You alright,” he said worriedly. “Ya, ya,” she replied, shaking uncontrollably wide still “fine.” I was probably calling out , she thought, or something. She struggled to steady her breath. Looking around she saw that they had landed and made it to wherever the safe house is. “ Is this the place, she asked as she slowly got up. “ Yup, not much in terms of looks,” he replied, “but we've made it work." As she exited the quinjet with her bag slung on her shoulders, she saw what he calls the safe house. It is a quaint white house. In the evening light the house had an orange glow and the windows reflected the lights like crystal. Not too far from the house, stood a red barn dwarfed by the surrounding trees. Following Clint, they made their way down a beaten path that lead to the home. The grass was past ankle height and gently brushed their feet as they passed by. Approaching the home, they walked through a wooden gate past a couple tree trunks with firewood surrounding it.

         For some reason she is nervous. There is no reason for it, but she is. She shifted her bag uneasily on her shoulder as they ascended the steps into his home. With her added nervousness, it seemed to her that she was walking on thin ice, waiting for it to break at any moment. The boards creaked quietly under their weight. The windows had its blinds drawn at the moment. Looking at the window she saw her reflection and realized how pale she looked and how sick. She felt like a ghost of her former self, now she really looked like one. She closed her eyes trying to avoid looking at herself and looked back at the door that Clint just opened. Shaking her head in an attempt to clear it, she took a deep breath as they entered the supposed safe house.

          They entered silently through the doorway into the home. Light from the far end of the room to her right illuminated dimly, barely reaching the doorway. Although still seemingly bright out, she found it odd they felt the need to close the blinds already She looked at Clint unsure and uneasy hoping he would give her some type of cue as to what to do next. She strained to listen past the silence for a sign of life. After a moment she heard laughter in the next room, voices of children in play. She heard a mother humming a tune only she knew as she washed dishes. Wanda watched a smile appear on his face and his body relaxed as he tiptoed around the corner to the source of the noise. He placed his bag down and silently slipped into the room. She watched all of this as she stood awkwardly in the hallway. She had never been in this type of situation so she didn't know where to put herself.

         “I'm home,” is all he said before two young children, the boy and girl she saw in his head, ran towards him eagerly. “Dad!” the boy called happily. “Daddy!” said the little girl eager for a hug. He scooped them both up in his arms in a large hug, holding onto them tightly. As he did this the mother walked over, holding back tears of joy. “Did you miss me?” he asked with a smile for her placing his children down. She just nodded, smiling weakly, as he approached her and embraced her lovingly. The scene to Wanda seems to be out of a fairytail. Everyone is just so happy, so full of joy. She couldn't help it but she could feel a smile tugging at her face. When was the last time she experienced something like this? A lump built in her throat remembering the family she lost and could no longer have. She would do anything to get that happiness back again.

       The small family notice her at last. The way they stood almost looked like they were getting ready to pose for a family portrait. The first to really notice her was the little girl who clung to her father's leg peering around him fascinated by Wanda. The children looked eager to have a new playmate while the mother was happy yet confused by their new guest. The wife was more than happy to accommodate another guest, especially one that looked to the wife to still be,in a way, a child. Wanda still stood in the dark of the hallway shifting her weight from one foot to the next while they stood in the living room.“Laura,” Hawkeye said, “this is Wanda, Wanda this is Laura.” “Um hello,” Wanda responded nervously raising her hand in a timid wave. “Nice to meet you,” she said with a warm smile. “ And these two,” he said as he affectionately rubbed their heads, “are Jason and Claire.” The children smiled eagerly at their new guest wondering who this mysterious person is. “Um hello there,” she replied looking at the two children. The little girl, who finally summed up her courage and stood now in front of her father ready to approach her. “What's your name again?” chirped the little girl. “ Wanda,” she said “Wanda Maximoff.” “That's such a pretty name!” the girl exclaimed walking quickly towards her peering up innocently at her then walking back to her parents. She smiled a small tired smile at the girl who now shyly retreated and resumed her hiding place behind her father. The girl smiled back, still to shy to do much more. She was young and lovely, yet untouched by the cruel world. She looked a lot like Clint the way her smile touched her murky emerald eyes. Looking at her brother and back at the little girl she saw her and her brother. She remember things she has been struggling to forget. She has not quite accepted his death but the pain remained. She felt like a broken record; regret, regret, pain, regret. She was tired of this constant state of mind, it drained her of her energy.

     “Hey, hey,” she heard a voice that brought her back to reality, “Laura just finished dinner, want to join us or would you like to go and rest now?” “I'll rest now if that's okay,” she said quickly eager to leave. “Alright,” he said, follow me.” She picked up her stuffed bag and looked at the children one last time as they disappeared to where she assumed the kitchen or wherever they eat was. Clint lead her up the narrow staircase to a room near the end of the hall. On the right were the kids room, at the very end of the hall was Clint and Laura's, and at the left was the spare room. Wanda looked around at the room that she would be sleeping in for about a month. The room wasn't too big, and had a small window overlooking the barn. The walls were a creamy yellow with a few framed pictures of flowers and a dog on the wall. The bed was farther to the right of the room dressed in light blue beddings and faced the window. To the right of the window was a desk free of any clutter and on the other side of the window was a dresser she assumed to be empty. “There is a bathroom across the hall with a shower,” he said, “if you want to.” “I'm fine,” she said quickly, “ I just want to sleep now.” “Alright,” he said with a sigh giving up, “ but if you change your mind...” “I just want to rest,” she said quickly cutting him off before he said anything more. Clint just nodded accepting she would say or do no mre and slowly headed out of the room.

          Her shoulder was sore after the journey up the stairs and plopped her bag down close to the wall near the door. Satisfied that she was alone now, Wanda walked slowly towards the bed. As she did this, she gazed out the window, lost in thought which seemed normal now. The events that just took place seemed so surreal to her, so picturesque. It was like looking through the mirror of her life, seeing what had been what could have and should have been. She hated remembering this over and over again. It had been years since the event but because of the recent accident, the more painful and sentimental memories began to resurface. She squeezed her eyes shut struggling to repress her tears and the memories but they came flooding back, more relentless than before. The pain and fear enveloped her again in their usual merciless onslaughts. She needed to be away from SHEILD but not here, anywhere but here. How could this place possibly help her especially when she felt as unstable as this? Nothing she could do would fix anything from her past. She felt even more helpless now, though not as helpless as when her dear brother died.

         She didn't know how long she was standing there with her eyes closed but when she opened them, the sky was a sea of dark purple. She let out a shaky breath looking around for nothing in particular. She felt more exhausted than before and continued towards the bed. She felt more exhausted than before. Her body was like her luggage now, heavy and a burden. Finally making it to the bed, she sat down slowly on the edge of the bed not really sure what to do next. She wanted to sleep to let the day finally end but she was afraid of what she might see in her dreams and knows that when she wakes up reality wasn't much better. She let out a frustrated sigh and rubbed her hands over her tired eyes. After a while she lay her head in her hands almost in defeat. Does time really heal all wounds, she thought bitterly grinding her teeth together, or does it reopen them with?

        After a time, she finally lifters her head slowly as if it was weighed down by her thoughts . Now ,she stared blankly staring at the wall in front of her waiting in the dark room for weariness to take over her body. In the silence, she heard quite thumping along the floor outside the room. Once they stopped, the door to the room opened letting in a faint yellow light slightly obstructed by a seemingly shapeless shadow. For once, she was aware, she was sick of being startled for it was out of her usual character. She may have heard the door opening and the approaching footsteps but she didn't want to acknowledge it hoping it would go away. But she knew it wouldn't. The footsteps slowed once they neared her and Clint sat down next to her. “You okay kiddo?” he asked gently placing an arm on her shoulder. She didn't respond but tried to move his hand off her shoulder. “Kiddo?” he asked again, “are you...” “I'm fine,” she said weakly pulling her arms close to her body. He looked at her for a moment contemplating what to say next. “Even though they are gone,” he said slowly looking at the wall she was too focused on, “doesn't mean you have to stop leaving. Time has stopped for them but not for you. Time will keep on ticking by until you realize it is too late to start living again. Regret will eat at you from time to time sure, but what's done is done. Neither you nor I could ever change the course of something that has already happened.” After he finished he waited a while for some type of response but getting none, he got up and slowly headed for the door. As he did this, Wanda slowly moved her focus away from the wall and slowly to his shadow. With a lump in her throat, she managed to say in almost a whisper, “You remind me a lot of my father.” This is why it hurts more she thought. I tried to tear everything away from you, yet you met me with kindness. I was a lost and angry child and you a caring father. I don't understand how after everything you even let me into your own home, your safe house.

     He looked back at Wanda who looked more broken and lost than ever. She no longer looked like the angry, grieving sister, but a fearful child, scared of being left alone. The expression on her face suggested she was close to tears. Her face was pale like when they landed and just as helpless. Her murky eyes seemed crazed yet blank and unseeing. Everything she had been bottling up since her parents' death, since Pietro's death, and since her home's destruction. All this had finally bubbling up to the surface, threatening to take control of her. Her breathing became quick and unsteady. He approached her again, and took his place next to her once more. “Is that a good thing,” he said softly. Not to long after he said that, she burst into tears. It was similar to what he witnessed in that cold room where Pietro lay. But these were not just tears of regret and sorrow, but tears of fear and exhaustion. He held her there like he would hold his own child after they woke up from a nightmare. But the worst part for her is that her nightmare never ended. When she slept, when she woke up, her fears and nightmares would be waiting for her in every shadow of her memories or in every little thing she saw. She was just exhausted from running and hiding and Clint saw that. He knew what it was like personally, and through friends, what it was like to try to run from your own shadows.

 


End file.
